John 5:2-9
On Wednesday (8/30/23), I shared how I had unknowingly worked really hard to get myself far from the joy, peace, and hope there is in Christ. Well, as my pastor says, “Back up the truck, Skippy!” I needed to stop going along the thought path I was on and get back to the big fork in the road. The day after God said, “You don’t want to be joyful in the midst of how things are; you want things to change and be different,” God brought to mind the story of the sick man at the pool of Bethesda. The question there was, “Do you want to get well?” The man replied, “I have no man to put me into the pool…” Now, that is shockingly like my own whiny response; “I don’t have a person to…”
I knew God was asking me, “Do you want to have a joy-filled life even if your circumstances don’t change and there isn’t a human being in the midst of it with you?” You would think that would be a no-brainer, but my flesh was so invested in its own solution that it took time for me to wade out of the muck and let my spirit take the lead. I had to wrest honestly with the real issue that held me back. Did I really, really want to be joy-filled no matter what? That question almost had a yes, except… I was no longer struggling to believe I could be joy-filled without these particular circumstances changing; I had seen firsthand other Christians walk this out. But the later part of that question brought up a soft cry that arose from my heart: I don’t want to do it alone. Well, there it was, the heart of my struggle. I loved God and had experienced some joy in my life in Christ, but I hadn’t resolved the question, “Is God and God alone enough?”
Exposed to the light of day, it was almost laughable. Of course, God was enough, and of course, I wanted a joy-filled life! But the struggle was real. My flesh was screaming like the wicked witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz. But instead of crying out in a high-pitched, whiny voice, “I’m mellllting,” it was crying out, “I don’t want tooooo!” But as the screams faded, the genuine cry of my heart could be heard: “I don’t want to do it alone,” and with it, I could feel the compassion of the Lord. He didn’t want me to do anything alone. He was there, and He cared. He would always be there. I’m never alone in anything. I have known these truths for years, but I felt God’s heart toward that specific place in me, and it allowed me to say, “Yes, I want a joy-filled life even if circumstances don’t change and even if there isn’t a human being in the midst of it with me. I am no longer looking to a human being but am looking to You.”
Saying yes has already allowed me to experience different emotions and make different decisions. However, I want you to know I am still in the process of letting God minister to the places in my heart that hinder me from experiencing the joy-filled life that He is offering me. My heart is being mended, and my brain is still being reprogrammed.
I encourage you to honestly ask yourself, “Do I want to get well?” and listen closely to all the conflicting answers that may arise. Then, let God sort through them for you and minister wherever needed.
Blessings, Karen