I find myself missing Him more and more. It’s not that I don’t have Him, it’s just that I’m becoming so discontent with anything less than Mary’s portion.
If you remember, in Luke 10, Mary Magdelen is sitting at His feet, beholding His beauty and listening to His voice, as her sister Martha was busy serving. Serving is an awesome thing, especially serving Him. It’s such an act of love, that so blesses His heart, but He affirmed that Mary had chosen the good part, the one thing that really mattered, and that He would never take that away from her.
Again, serving is wonderful, and we will have endless opportunities to love Him in this way, and His presence is always with us, but what He longs for, what He wants us to long for, are those undistracted, uninterrupted moments alone together.
I remember when consistent time alone with Him was so difficult to maintain, and what an act of discipline it was, and even though I still have to maintain a determination to not allow Martha’s portion to consume me (there are so many real needs out there), I find myself, at this time in my life, so captivated by His invitation to be at His footstool. It’s the most intoxicating thing I’ve ever experienced. Though discipline will always be a part, it’s no longer the discipline of guilt and duty, it’s now the discipline of a growing lovesickness that’s driven by longing and delight. There is nothing so disciplined as a fascinated heart.
Drinking from the River of His Delights has created a ravenous craving that only more of Him can satisfy. Thus, I miss Him. I miss Him more everyday. I find myself always looking to rearrange my life so I can find more moments to slip away to the One who is always waiting for me.
This First Commandment life we are all called to, is a magnificent obsession. This glorious ache that can only be satisfied beholding His beauty, is the most imprisoning reality I’ve ever known. May I never escape. Oh how I miss Him!!