1 Corinthians 15:3-10 NASB
For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received, that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, [4] and that He was buried, and that He was raised on the third day according to the Scriptures, [5] and that He appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve. [6] After that He appeared to more than five hundred brethren at one time, most of whom remain until now, but some have fallen asleep; [7] then He appeared to James, then to all the apostles; [8] and last of all, as to one untimely born, He appeared to me also. [9] For I am the least of the apostles, and not fit to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. [10] But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain, but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I, but the grace of God with me.
Paul is a prototype of the modern believer: one who learns of Christ through the resurrection, looking back, as opposed to the other apostles, who learned of Christ before the resurrection. If you ever thought how wonderful it would have been to be among the original followers of Christ who were with him daily for 3 ½ years, let Paul’s life encourage you to know that it is the resurrected Christ that transforms a life regardless of when you were born.
Paul’s testimony in verses 8 – 10 always blow me away and bring me to joyful weeping. What a paradox huh? JOYFUL WEEPING!! What a gift joyful weeping is. It seems to be a common experience of Lovesick worshipers and it It would not surprise me at all to find that when Paul wrote these three simple verses about his history in Christ, he wrote them joyfully weeping. When referencing his encounter with the risen Christ on the Damascus Rd., Paul described it “as it were to one untimely born.” Those two words “untimely born” actually come from one word which translated means “a premature, unexpected, painful and defective birth.” Paul is not saying that his new birth in Christ was defective, but that he brought defectiveness into the kingdom because of all the pain and suffering he had caused believers through his brutal persecution. If you remember, Paul’s assignment from the Jewish leaders in Jerusalem was to go find Christians all over the region and deliver them up to be killed. Paul drug people out of their homes in front of their children in his deceptive zeal to serve the God of Israel.
Because of that Paul referred to himself as the least of the apostles and felt that he was unfit to even be an apostle because of all the pain he had caused.
Have you ever felt defective and therefore unqualified with the Lord to really make a difference through your life. Have you ever felt spiritually, emotionally, or morally unfit for God’s best? I’ve known many people over the years who felt like they could never experience the abundant life that Jesus promised, or could ever be used by the Lord to impact the lives of others in any kind of profound way because they felt so “least” compared to other believers who seem to have it together. They feel that their past disqualified them, or their personality type, or just the defectiveness of all the things they struggle with. Are you one of those who feel like they just don’t fit in, and does it make you feel like there’s is something wrong with you. If that’s where you’re at, then I want you to hear the rest of Paul’s story in verse 10.
1 Corinthians 15:10 was one of two verses God used forty-two years ago to set me free from feeling that I was disqualified from experiencing all that Jesus wanted me to experience because I believed I was among the “least.” When I finally, and fully said yes to Jesus when I was twenty-three I was racked with mental illness and moral failure. I knew that God loved me, and I could always sense his presence but I was convinced that he couldn’t use me because I was to “defected,” and my feelings of inadequacy consumed me. Quite miraculously one day I discovered the truth of 2 Corinthians 12 that in my weakness His strength is made perfect and that my inadequacies, and my past did not disqualify me, but were actually the very platform from which Jesus wanted to demonstrate His abundant grace. That first phrase in 1 Corinthians 10, “But by the grace of God I am what I am,” was so transformative to me in being able to embrace myself as the glorious mess through which Jesus could demonstrate his perfect power. Paul’s past brought him a lot of pain, through guilt and shame and a deep sense of unworthiness, but Paul realized that though God did not orchestrate the pain, He used the pain in the past, and his unique personality and weaknesses to create an earthen vessel through whom the surpassing greatness of the power of God could be manifested. Paul then said that his response to the grace of God in his “untimely spiritual birth” was that he served the Lord with a greater passion than all the other apostles because he who is forgiven much loves much. The grace of God in Paul’s life compelled him to a lifestyle of radical and extravagant obedience, but Paul makes it clear at the end of verse ten that even his zealous service for Jesus was not the result of Paul’s adequacy for he said, “I labored even more than all of them, YET NOT I, but the grace of God with me.” By the grace of the risen Lord Paul could say “I am what I am” (the perfect mess in and through whom Christ can live) and I live how I live and do what I do by the grace of God. Grace has a face and that face is the risen Lord Jesus, and the risen Christ believe Paul to be the pick of the litter, because Jesus knew that Paul was ripe to discover that apart from Christ he could do nothing. Sounds a lot like Galatians 2:20 doesn’t it; “I am crucified with Christ, and I no longer live, but Christ (risen from the dead) is living in me.” Paul’s writings are consumed with the idea of every believer being in union with the risen Christ and the grace of the risen Christ as the only explanation for the supernatural life that the Christian lives. As a matter of fact, Paul’s very sense of self-consciousness and identity is found in 2 Corinthians 12:2 when he refers to himself as “a man in Christ.”