I wasn’t sure if you got to hear the great things that happen at Lazarus or not. So here’s my story!
About two months or so ago (before I knew I was going to participate in Lazarus Weekend), the Lord started gently reminding me of things in my past, all the way back till about the age of 4…things I had done and needed to repent of and things I didn’t understand that have happened in my life. Then, a few weeks after the start of these reminders, Lauren Kirk was speaking to me about how she and Jed were going to be ministering during Lazarus Weekend, and I blurted out, “Oh, I want to go through Lazarus”. Afterwards, I wondered where that came from, because I had only been curious about Lazarus weekend but hadn’t really thought about doing it. The next day, Lauren texted me to let me know there were still spots available for Lazarus weekend. About 30 minutes later, I sat down to read to Jake and opened his Bible, and it just happened to open right to the story of Lazarus. So, I started trying to figure out how to pay the $125 required to do Lazarus. God worked out the details, and the money eventually came from “change” that I had rolled up and cashed. It was the exact mount for Lazarus, plus $5 which I took to be a representation of God’s grace over the situation. So, I got my application and the $125 turned in the day before it was due.
I received my paperwork for Lazarus about a week before Lazarus started. I stayed up late at night with Jesus filling out paperwork…pouring my entire heart out on pages and pages of notebook paper…confessing sins…not holding a THING back. I left nothing out. The Holy Spirit reminded me gently of all I had done, as well as things that hurt me…that others had done to me. I re-lived my past as I wrote it out. I knew the only way to move on was to re-live it, re-feel it, give it to God, repent, and let Him heal. It was healing just writing it out. It was a bittersweet time with the Lord. I envisioned Him holding me as I stayed up late each night re-living my past as I wrote it all down. It was very hard but so worth it. I’ve come to see the Lord in a whole different light through all of this. God gave me the courage to write down everything personal about me, knowing there was a chance that someone from my church would be the one ministering to me…the one who reads this stuff. On the way to the first teaching Thursday night, I cried all the way there and when I got there, because I knew God was fixing to do something huge in my life once again, something that would change my life forever. There was a church-wide word given Friday at lunch that I knew pertained to me…”Those who go low get to play in the water (of revival) first”.
Friday night, while burning the generational papers, the Lord told me, “It’s finished”. Then, Lauren Kirk came up and gave me a word from the Lord that He also told her “It is finished” when she watched me put the paper in the basket. I got many prophetic words Friday night about God bringing me into my identity in Him and a word about God laying a firm foundation and how I’m fixing to take off in Him. I got another word about the extensive purification process that the Lord is doing in me. I also got 2 words about how worship will break the chains off and a word about how I’ll write a book for mothers called “A Mother of Many”.
Then, Saturday comes…the day that I knew would be the hardest. Jane Ohlman (one of the people ministering to me) told me that, because I’ve poured my heart out and held nothing back, the Lord will honor me in that. The first thing Greg Clemons asked me when me, Clare, and Jane had gotten to our private room, was if I had made a seal/agreement with satan that I would do this or that if only he would make the pain stop. Greg had a vision of a seal placed on an envelope. I told him I didn’t remember doing anything like that at the time (although this was obviously the case because of things it stirred up later as we addressed it). We continued to let the Holy Spirit lead, and He would bring to mind things I needed to repent of or talk about or deal with. Right before we took a break for lunch Saturday, Clare looked at me and said, “Just breathe. We need to break something off of you”. She stood up, anointed me with oil and water, and asked me to repeat after her (a prayer). About 3 words into the prayer, I began to cry and moan uncontrollably and my whole body drew up/tensed up (all my muscles contracted; this was similar to what my body did when I would have panic attacks many years ago). I was also hyperventilating. I slouched all the way over onto my legs (I was sitting in a chair), and I clenched my head and then my eyes. Everything went pitch black, and I thought I was blind. I lost control of my body. This went on for a few minutes, it seemed, as Clare prayed over me. Then, I was able to slowly sit up, completely exhausted. I asked Clare, “What just happened? What was that?” I KNEW something left me.
For so long, it felt like I’ve never been able to take a deep breath, like my lungs were too small for my body or something and wouldn’t expand enough. But when I sat up in that chair after this “episode”, they were able to expand, and I could take a deep, deep breath! The air seemed SO fresh and new. I was breathing new air, and it was incredibly obvious to me. I know that after this, I looked as if I had just stepped out of a boxing ring, and I actually did. Only, I wasn’t the one fighting. When Clare, Greg, Jane, and I gathered together again after lunch, things started off slowly. I kept clearly hearing satan tell me that we were fixing to be finished and that nothing else was going to happen that afternoon, although I knew there was more that I wanted broken off of me. As the afternoon continued, Greg said we need to break off some more things. I braced myself. One of the spirits had to do with a seal that I made with satan/a deal I made with him that I didn’t remember. (As Greg spoke to break this, it stirred the spirit[s] up). So, during this next prayer to break off this other spirit(s), Greg told me to try to keep my eyes open and focus on the crucifix and to feel of Jesus’ body. The same things happened during this prayer (uncontrollable crying and moaning, hyperventilating, body drawing up/muscles contracting, everything went black). Although, my feet and legs started moving uncontrollably this time. I struggled to keep my eyes open, but I did and the blackness eventually went away. I kept my eyes on the crucifix and continued to feel of His body. Suddenly, I got a break and immediately regained control and quit crying. I KNEW the spirits weren’t gone, and I knew the fighting was just at a pause. I still felt a heaviness, and I KNEW without a doubt the spirits hadn’t left. So, they gave it another go at praying. The same thing happened with my body. This went on and on and on for a while (it seemed), alternating between breaks and uncontrollable “episodes”. The spirits weren’t leaving. There was a moment where I snatched my scarf off from around my neck during an uncontrollable “episode”.
Finally, the Holy Spirit reminded me of the 2 words I got Friday night about how worship would break the chains. So, I told my team I needed worship music. I pulled out my phone and played “Clean” by Natalie Grant. I worshipped in the chair then got on my knees to worship on the floor. The next song, “King of the World” by Natalie Grant, came on, and the spirits fought again. I was on my side on the floor by this point and lost control of my body again (uncontrollable crying and moaning, muscles contracted/body drew up, feet and legs moving uncontrollably). This went on for a bit and finally the spirit(s) left. I KNEW IMMEDIATELY when they left. I kept saying, “It’s gone. It’s gone”, while still lying on the floor. I was past the point of exhaustion now. I managed to get up and get back in the chair. I asked what just happened, and Greg said, “It’s called deliverance”.
Towards the end of the session Saturday, I had the same vision at 2 different times of the Lazarus paperwork burning up. I also asked the Lord what this deliverance means for me, and He said, “It means freedom!”. The Lord reminded me of how He told me a few months ago that He was going to resurrect me from my past, and that’s just what He did that very day on February 4, 2017, my day of deliverance. At the end of our session that Saturday, Jane gave me some Bible verses (right before this, I had a vision of flowers but didn’t say anything, because I didn’t understand it). She gave me 2 Corinthians 10:3-4, Matt. 20:32, Psalms 45:10-11, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Matt. 5:14-15, and Song of Songs 2:10-13…Look, the winter is past, and the rains are over and gone. The flowers are springing up…”. Jane is the one who gave the word Friday (“Those who go low will get to play in the water first”). Jane re-spoke this word directly over me Saturday before we left. She said that I went low.
I have a whole new view of God and of a crucifix now. That crucifix is incredibly special. It helped me through. I stared at it and felt of the Lord’s body as the Holy Spirit fought for me. God showed up and showed out, as I knew He would. Greg, Clare, and Jane hold a special place in my heart now, also. I hope to never forget this day or even the details of this day. I’m so thankful for this experience. I cried for days after Lazarus, mostly out of overflowing gratitude. I see many things differently now. I don’t think that I’ve fully realized all that I’ve been set free from, but I know it will become very real and very obvious, because I know it was huge! I feel a breakthrough in my worship and even in my identity in Christ. The work of the cross became a reality for me that day. I was demonically oppressed, mostly because of MY bad choices (NOT God’s), yet Christ still came for me, to set me free…LITERALLY, He came for me. To fight for me and to win! It’s like I stepped out of the battle, and the Holy Spirit stepped in to battle these evil spirits for me. He didn’t have to, but He did! He won! What an amazing literal experience! This experience was traumatic in a way, because I was unfamiliar with it (although I had read about a deliverance experience before), but it was such a holy trauma, a “holy violence” (Bishop’s words!). I was in a holy state of shock. And I’m so incredibly thankful! I am so incredibly grateful for Lazarus weekend, for all those involved with Lazarus, and for CTK. God has used CTK and the people at CTK to change my life! I hope this story is incredible encouragement for you! Thank you for all you do!
Brandy